Joke

[richardburton]

A priest and a nun were returning from the church convention when their car broke down. They had it towed to the local garage and faced the fact that they'd have to spend the night in a motel. There was only 1 motel in town and it only had 1 room available. So they had a problem.

'Sister ,' said the priest, 'I dont think the lord would mind, under the circumstances, if we spent the night together in this 1 room. I'll sleep on the couch and you take the bed.'

'I think that would be ok,' said the nun.

They prepared 4 bed and each 1 took took their agreed place. 10 minutes later the sister said, 'Father, I'm terribly cold.'

'Ok,' said the priest, 'I'll get up n get you a blanket from the closet.'

10 minutes later the nun said, 'Father I'm still terribly cold.'

'OK sister,' said the priest, ' I'll get up n get you another blanket.'

10 minutes later , the nun said,'Father, I'm still terribly cold. I don't think the lord would mind if we acted as man and wife for just this one night.'

'You're probably right,' said the priest , 'Get up and get your own damn blanket.'

[Lonesome Crow]

Hehe! Like that one!

[Pitbull]

Made me laugh. ;D

Attachments:

[Lonesome Crow]

;D Hehe! ;D

[richardburton]

I apologise for this one in advance!!!

A friend of mine just started his own business, manufacturing land mines that look like prayer mats.

Apparently Prophets are going through the roof.

[Lonesome Crow]

;D Got to remember that one for tomorrow ;D

[richardburton]

This was supposedly sent from Thomas Cook Holidays - listing some of the guests' complaints during the season. (Survey by Thomas Cook and ABTA). If these are real then God help us all!

"I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."

"It's lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time - this should be banned."

"On my holiday to Goa in India , I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food at all."

"We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels."

A tourist at a top African game lodge overlooking a waterhole, who spotted a visibly aroused elephant, complained that the sight of this rampant beast ruined his honeymoon by making him feel "inadequate".

"The beach was too sandy."

"We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as yellow but it was white."

"Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women."

"We bought 'Ray-Ban' sunglasses for five Euros (£3.50) from a street trader, only to find out they were fake."

"No-one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled."

"It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England it only took the Americans three hours to get home."

"I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment to our friends' three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller."

"The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the accommodation'. We're trainee hairdressers - will we be OK staying here?"

"There are too many Spanish people. The receptionist speaks Spanish. The food is Spanish. Too many foreigners."

"We had to queue outside with no air conditioning."

"It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."

"I was bitten by a mosquito - no-one said they could bite."

"My fiancé and I booked a twin-bedded room but we were placed in a double-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked."

[Relyt]

Herpty-durr.

[Lonesome Crow]

Some people should not be allowed to breed.

[evadestruction]

A woman goes into a bar and asks for a "double entendre". So the bartender gave her one

[richardburton]

lol Eva!

My racing snail was not winning any races, so I decided to remove its shell to reduce its weight and make it more aerodynamic. It didn't work. If anything it's made him more sluggish.

[Lonesome Crow]

;D Hehehe! to both. ;D

Can We get Married in Heaven??

On their way to get married, a young couple was involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting they began to wonder; Could they possibly get married in Heaven?

When St. Peter arrived they asked him if they could get married in Heaven. St. Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he left.

The couple sat and waited for an answer.... For a couple of months.

While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons. If they were allowed to get married in Heaven, should they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all? "What if it doesn't work? Are we stuck in Heaven together forever?" Another month passed. St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled. Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get married in Heaven. "Great!" said the couple. "But we were just wondering; what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground.."What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.

"OH, COME ON!!!" St. Peter shouted. "It took me 3 months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take to find a lawyer???"

[evadestruction]

Nov 17, 2010 14:29:09 GMT 1 richardburton said:

lol Eva!

My racing snail was not winning any races, so I decided to remove its shell to reduce its weight and make it more aerodynamic. It didn't work. If anything it's made him more sluggish.

one of my kids actually did peel snails. He felt sorry for them and kept trying to liberate them from their shells

[richardburton]

lol LC!

Yikes, Eva!

[Lonesome Crow]

Nov 18, 2010 1:00:37 GMT 1 evadestruction said:

one of my kids actually did peel snails. He felt sorry for them and kept trying to liberate them from their shells

And I bet they didn't appreciate it, Ungrateful critters your average gastropod. Although I have hear a winkle enjoys being pulled out of its shell with a bent pin... after a hot bath that is.