Happy Anniversary!

[stevesudz]

Happy anniversary peeps!
Today marks the start of the Martian Invasion!
Well midnight does anyway.

I thought Id make an offering in celebration of this hallowed event!

[stevesudz]

Memoirs of a Victorian Gentleman.

Part 1.

The first I heard of the impending annihilation of the human race was when the concussion of the falling cylinder knocked my aspidistra off my whatnot. THE SUN newspaper dated the 12th of August 1899 ran the headline; “ Big Bouncing Boobs!” underneath which was a one line story which read; “ The Martians Are Coming..” but for some reason I hadn’t noticed it. I was only semi-literate at the time due to my grammar school education so I couldn’t understand The Times which had run several stories about the jets of gas on Mars over the preceding weeks using the usual masonic tongue. The stories were on page 32 of the broadsheet ( bottom right); the usual place for anything important with the front page taken by stories of the latest share prices in that new-fangled steam trouser press company.

The night that the cylinder fell was taken up largely by my having to clean the polished wooden floor in my dining room and repairing my wife’s prize Aspidistra with pipe cleaners. My house, which used to overlook Horsell Common sandpits on Tinderdry Avenue (Just off Bone-dry Lane) was infiltrated by the sounds of a large crowd of people which was unusual for that time of night. I didn’t worry too much though as the gun carriages were wheeled past the front window but I was concerned when I heard a Young lady, resplendent in a crimson Bustle, shouting the words “hun screwing!” Or at least that’s what I thought she said..
It turned out to be a reference to some big cylindrical foreign horseless carriage parked in the middle of the sandpits!! What a disgrace! Of course I didn’t know this at the time but was provoked into investigation when I heard a CLANG and the same woman shout “OOH it’s fell off!!” (She then fainted; which I thought was jolly inconsiderate of whoever had dropped the offending article.)
I proceeded to my bed having first changed into my night attire (a move I was later to regret) and mounted the stairs. It was as I reached the top step, and admired the view of Horsell common and the fires that I noticed a warm draught and that the upper rooms of my house were missing. It was dashed inconvenient in terms of attaining a modicum of rest in addition to no longer knowing where my new steam trouser press was situated. The view was impressive though and I thought the soldiers looked quite neat; resplendent in their uniforms as they burst into flames. Now this last development did cause me some concern. The large metal walking milk stool was also a little worrisome. It seemed to be taking pictures with an overly generous flash bulb. I shouted to it indicating that the wattage might be a little high as the Horse chestnut tree at the bottom of my garden was now aflame. It chose to ignore me and headed towards the public house on the corner.
I decided that now was the time most prudent to obtain a slice of bread and butter from the larder if, indeed, we had any. I shouted for the maid who, for some irritating reason, refused to acknowledge my request. So. I shouted for my wife..and asked her to shout for the maid. Annoyingly, SHE responded from the front garden! Looking absolutely disgraceful, with singed hair and with soot on her face, IN FULL VIEW of the Smythes across the street, she told me she was going to Mothers!! I could scarcely believe my ears! “ What about my suit?” I asked. “ I can hardly leave the house in my night attire!?” I was aghast! She hoisted the sign of victory in my direction. “ Is there a war on?” I asked puzzled.

Next Installment. “ The artilleryman soils the rug”

[Relyt]

On a sadder note, today also marks the tenth anniversary of the sinking of the Russian submarine Kursk.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-10950701

[richardburton]

Nice one, Sudz!

[Lonesome Crow]

;D “hun screwing!” That is brilliant Steve!! Looking forward to the next part, I hope there is more coming. ;D

[Deleted]

I like it! ;D

[stevesudz]

Ive been AWOL for a bit..thanks! Do you actually want a bit more?

[Deleted]

Of course! ;D

[Lonesome Crow]

Definitely.